FIRST -
cultural recommendations.
SILVESTERCHLAUSEN - What?
It has (lots of) cow bells, BUT it also has beautiful, haunting harmonies and a past that is very interesting. After seeing a story on YouTube, I looked it up on Apple Music and found something there (to my surprise). Listen to it. The vocals are mesmerizing. The button below is to the Apple Music album. Makes me wonder if they invented coo-coo clocks…anyway, it is such a lovely counter to whatever you are used to (once you get to the vocals).
The second and final cultural recommendation is Darrell Scott’s YouTube channel. He is my favorite musician and has a new-ish feature called “New Moon, New Music” that is always interesting. We get to hear background stories to the artistic process and a bit about how awesome music is made. He can play anything with strings. So good. You’ve heard his songs, but probably don’t know him.
I wanted to make a painting a week - or at least a start of a painting. Half of January had passed and I had nothing. After the pressure of getting to the Coors show passed, I took a break to regain my balance. I didn’t paint during December (I liked that a lot), and now half of January was gone and I didn’t know where it went.
There were conflicts. Mostly internal. There seems to be a force that rises to oppose our good intentions. It sometimes feels like a hand inside my skull. Maybe it’s the past failures coming back into view or the knowledge that I’m the cause of just about all of our problems. Whatever it is, I hear it all the time. Coming off of a Coors show where I only sold one painting, the volume - or is it grief? - swells.
The hand tells me that, if I’m going to continue to be a weight on my family, the least I can do is stay small. Keep my side-life out of the way of those with real lives.
I can’t imagine why the Devil or his kind would be interested in my painting or pursuits, but I’m certain that he’s interested in (inhibiting) my awareness of my body, its breathing, my mind, its unclenching, my heart, its surrender, my life, its cause, its purpose.
This would become clear.
It happened that, while I was making a painting of a mild winter on Hurricane Creek where I grew up, a particular sorrow welled up. So many thoughts. So many memories. A hand gripped my skull.
How many cold evenings had I been there as a boy? How many dew-drenched mornings had I visited this creek? How many rocks had I picked up or turned over? How many stories had I imagined by its bank? How many tearful confessions and adolescent prayers had it heard? And now, due to current events in our life, it hears one more. This unremarkable place has been a classroom and a chapel.
As I saw paint change into recognizable forms, I could see the muted, nearly monochromatic harmony ever so slightly glazed by a diffused evening sun, but that little bit of color held something.
Home -
the common-ness, the lack of glory, the brown, cracking leaves and the small, cold, tan creek rocks said nothing. The greybrown cold water did not speak. The birds had no song. The hand squeezed my skull. But I saw the palest hint of color from our distant star ever so softly reflected - ever so softly - barely distinguishable - and my sorrow from looking backwards and the sorrow from my worry-filled, vain imaginings were both lost as I heard that little bit of color remind me,
“Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.”
Thank you, God.
The thing is - the thing that no one but the readers of this post will get - this is an evening scene.
Think about that. We are not witnessing the release, the victory, the clear diagnosis. We are witnessing the onset of night.
Overcoming isn’t done with promotions and parades, but with persistence and prayer. Getting through hard times looks a lot like getting through the day - unremarkable, common, plain, but we have signposts, markers, ancient voices, and everyday examples to light the night. We have directions, even if they say “be still.” We are not alone, even if we are.
I’ve said enough.
Here is how I’m starting the year.
I hope you are meeting your goals (what gets written gets done!) and that a part of this encourages you.
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