Satisfaction vs Purpose
From 2018
Most of the conversations I have are with myself. Here, maybe everywhere, people talk about surface topics like weather, health problems, this week's outrage, and what somebody made for supper – quite a lot of talk about what and where someone last ate. You'd think we were Hobbits.
But what do we think about when we look out the window?
I'm not sure how making pictures became so important to me, but I know I keep going after repeated failures. I enjoy preparing to paint and contemplating paintings, but the actual act of painting is just work. It is like prayer at best, but I haven't made it fully into prayer yet. Prayer is hard enough as it is. When I'm done and I look around to see several starts and stops, I am - I don't know the best way to say it - on track, in my own clothes, communing, at ease. I feel like I'm supposed to be engaged like this. Purposeful, even though the work has absolutely no value where I come from. It's just for me.
Few thoughts bring a sense of weight, direction, and quiet fullness that the thoughts of painting bring. It would be easy to pursue a path that chased a practical occupation while sprinkling in art. People may even respect that. I'd like respect! Everyone does! But the Voice doesn't seem to emanate from that direction.
My point is that I don't want to be redirected from Purpose by Satisfaction. While there may be many roads that satisfy for a time, I want to keep feeding that which directs my soul. A well-practiced purpose-driven life should produce its own kind of satisfaction, but until I'm there, I need to keep my eyes on the small, simple things that amplify the voice of Purpose so I don't get lost.